**TOP SECRET**
From: Tom Perez, Chair(non-binary conforming)person, Democratic National Committee
Re: Internal DNC memo
Cc: MSNBC, CNN, ABC, NBC, CBS, Washington Post, New York Times
Comrades:
I come to you today with a heavy heart.
It seems that not only are Donald Trump, Kellyanne Conway, Attorney General William Barr, Jared Kushner, Donald Trump Jr., Ivanka Trump, smelly Walmart voters, and anybody else associated with the Orange Oaf a Russian agent – but so too is our once beloved savior Robert Mueller.
With the complete and total exoneration of the Orange Menace, clear-thinking Americans can come to no other conclusion other than Robert Mueller (like pretty much everybody else) has been infiltrated by the Russian government and probably Vladimir Putin himself.
We cannot take his word as gospel – even though we have taken his word as gospel for the last 24 months. No. We must now get to the bottom of how and when the Russians infiltrated the brain of Robert Mueller.
Let’s review the facts for our media friends.
It’s not collusion if WE are doing what we accuse OTHERS of doing.
It’s not collusion when we rigged our 2016 primary for Hillary Clinton. Only racists think that.
It’s also not collusion when WE conspired with Russia. Of course not! When Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama conspired with Clinton-connected Fusion GPS, former British spy Christopher Steele, and law firm Perkins Coie to invent a fake dossier about Donald Trump and hookers peeing on Moscow hotel beds, that’s just normal opposition research, you Islamophobes.
It’s not collusion when Barack Obama and his Department of Justice, headed by first Eric Holder and then Loretta Lynch, told the FBI to stand down regarding Hillary Clinton and her unfortunate email server scandal.
Also not collusion? Giving immunity to Clinton lawyers and then telling them they have permission to smash more Blackberrys and laptops. And then, after that, allowing one of those witnesses (Cheryl Mills, Hillary’s longtime aide) to act as Clinton’s lawyer during FBI questioning. (Even though the exoneration memo had been written before her interview.)
It’s not collusion that President Obama and his Justice Department aided and abetted a cover-up into this server scandal because Obama was caught sending classified information to Hillary Clinton through her secret server. Only a misogynist would believe such heresy!
It’s not collusion when Loretta Lynch met with Bill Clinton on a Phoenix airport tarmac to coordinate their cover-up of Hillary Clinton‘s email server scandal. Only a true Russian agent would doubt their story of discussing grandchildren five days before then-FBI director James Comey “exonerated” Hillary.
It’s not collusion that the FBI and the Obama Justice Department worked in concert to unmask Americans and place foreign spies and agents in the opposition’s presidential campaign.
It’s not collusion for Deep State actors in the Democrat party, the FBI, the CIA, and 95% of the media to simultaneously work to destroy a duly-elected president.
It’s not collusion to maintain a fraudulent narrative that had no basis in reality and have the entire American and international media believe that our president was a foreign agent placed there by Vladimir Putin – with no evidence whatsoever.
Mi amigos: we know that the large majority of our voters are very, very stupid. We know that they will buy anything we sell them.
Therefore, we have no other recourse than to pound the narrative that Robert Mueller is a Russian agent.
No matter what – our goal remains the same. We must thoroughly destroy Donald Trump and anyone connected to him because our ideas alone will not get us elected.
Let’s be honest – our ideas are batsh*t crazy.
I mean – come on. Sanctuary cities?! Open borders?! Identity Politics?! Socialism?! Infanticide?! Anti-Semitism?! Promotion of Islamic supremacy?! Siding with brutal dictators in Venezuela and Cuba?! A 70% tax rate?! Doing away with fossil fuels?! THE GREEN NEW DEAL?!
Real talk: our base is full of lunatics. The only hope to keep them placated is to get Trump impeached – and the evidence be damned!
As I always say: the truth is usually inconvenient. What’s important is the LIE. Our media and our voters will eagerly lap up anything we spoon-feed them.
My Fellow Travelers: the last thing we want anyone doing is looking at what WE did. The Orange Orangutan has proven more resilient than we originally thought.
However, we still have 95% of the media and a large chunk of Americans and illegal aliens who are very dumb and will support us to the ends of the earth.
Keep hope alive!
