APRIL 11, 2017
 
 
Janet Jackson, America’s Once and Future Pop Princess, has traded in her full burqa for some Normal People Clothes once again. This week she announced that she and her Qatari husband Wissam al Mana are getting a divorce due to “cultural differences”. What the media refuses to say is what those “cultural differences” are. Let me illuminate the situation for you.
 
 
These differences were not just your normal Country vs. Rap cultural differences. No! These differences were caused by the Religion of Peace. Read: Islam.
 
Wissam al Mana and Janet Jackson *before* their marriage. Note her burqa-free attire.

Wissam al Mana and Janet Jackson *before* their marriage. Note her burqa-free attire.

 
I’m curious as to what Janet was so enraptured by in the first place? Oh wait. The guy is worth billions of dollars.  Perhaps that has something to do with it. Or, maybe it was the promise of skiing inside malls or the super warm environment the Middle East provides. It’s great for the skin!
 
 
Keep in mind this is the woman who a few years back flashed her breast on national television during the Super Bowl, and then a few years later traded up for a designer black felt beekeeper costume. What an upgrade!
 
Oh, how quickly she succumbed to Muslim culture.

Oh, how quickly she succumbed to Muslim culture.

 
So, Janet. I’m curious. What could those cultural differences actually be? Well, let me count the Muslim ways. In many Muslim countries women are stoned to death for committing adultery or for committing the most innocent of crimes like, you know, walking around outside without a man present. In many Muslim countries, little girls have their genitals mutilated at the age of 12 just as they’re entering puberty so as to never experience any sexual pleasure. In many Muslim countries women are not allowed to drive, vote, choose their husband, be gay, or many other things that we in the civilized world take for granted. Allah sure is great!
 

Compound this with the fact that Janet has produced a male heir for her “moderate” Muslim husband and the picture is complete. Good luck getting that little boy out of the clutches of his father, Janet.  Remember, in Muslim culture, a boy is very valued. In fact, many daughters are “honor” killed as they come out of the womb for the sin of being born a girl. Men are given twice as much credence as witnesses and in court than women. The list goes on to the many “cultural differences” that probably tore Jackson and her husband apart.

 

Flashing breasts vs. burqa. Next time, Janet, try a happy medium.

Flashing breasts vs. burqa. Next time, Janet, try a happy medium.

Next time Janet, try a happy medium. There’s got to be a middle ground between flashing your breasts during the Super Bowl and being clad head-to-toe in the most oppressive garment known to humanity. Try finding a man who likes the middle ground.
 
 
In the meantime, welcome back to civilization, Janet.
 
 
On the bright side, Lindsay Lohan has announced she is converting to Islam. Christians around the world rejoice! #YouCanHaveHer
 
Lindsey Lohan, doing the entire world a favor by wearing the Muslim burkini.

Lindsey Lohan, doing the entire world a favor by wearing the Muslim burkini.

 
UPDATE: SIGH. You were so close, Janet. So close. It has now been reported that Janet’s loving husband has moved back into their home.
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